We need one more Kartini, but this time, make it a man.

When we talk about gender equality, particularly in Indonesia, people here tend to bring up women. How history has changed—until the 19th century, society gave them nothing, especially when it came to their rights. They could not pursue their dreams, especially in education, because society held a deeply flawed belief that women were a weaker form of humanity. Giving them control over their own lives, people thought, would only lead to their downfall—they could not possibly survive on their own.

Then came Raden Ajeng Kartini, Indonesia’s first widely recognized feminist figure, during a time when Dutch colonialism was still rising. She successfully empowered society—particularly women in the late 19th century—to stand up and fight for their rights.

Kartini had a broad vision of freedom for all women’s dreams. She sought to break traditional norms by creating the idea of women's schools and women's communities. She also wrote letters to her friends in Europe, describing the patriarchal issues still deeply rooted in Indonesia at the time. These letters were later compiled by J.H. Abendanon (Minister of Culture, Religion, and Crafts of the Dutch East Indies) and published as a book titled Habis Gelap Terbitlah Terang (Door Duisternis tot Licht—From Darkness to Light).

Beyond that, Habis Gelap Terbitlah Terang also reflected Kartini’s hopes for Indonesia’s future: expanding women’s rights and allowing them to explore their full potential—not just in education but also in law and autonomy.

With all these efforts, Kartini quickly gained attention and recognition from intellectuals across the archipelago, as well as from people in Europe. Her work forced society to think more deeply about women’s rights. Eventually, Indonesia began to shift its perspective and establish new norms, allowing women to enter more fields beyond the traditional roles imposed by a patriarchal culture.

Even today, gender equality remains a widely discussed topic. Society continues to push for further advancements in women’s rights—just as Kartini had hoped.

But the question is: what about men?

Who is gonna talk about men's rights when Kartini stood for her own gender's rights? 

Since the colonial era, society has expected men to be strong—to dominate the world by filling the highest positions in government and social structures. If they fail to meet these expectations, they are cast aside or subjected to social punishment.

And yet, we cannot ignore that suicide rates are alarmingly high. Even in 2021, the World Health Organization (WHO) recorded that Indonesia failed to reduce its suicide rate. The number was staggering—6,544 cases. But what was even more shocking was that 5,095 of them were men. Meanwhile, society often assumes that women would be more likely to attempt suicide, given the many struggles they face—hormonal challenges during menstruation, postpartum depression, and ongoing gender-based oppression.

This data suggests a harsh reality: men themselves are afraid of the very dominance that society forces upon them.

Men do not cry. Men do not speak. They are expected to stand strong and bear their burdens in silence. This has been ingrained in them since colonial times, shaping their very identity. When they feel overwhelmed, they suppress their emotions, telling themselves that this is not how men should behave. This is reflected in the fact that only a small percentage of men seek psychological help. According to Halodoc, a popular Indonesian health consultation app, in 2024, the majority of mental health service users were women—because society has always viewed emotional expression as a "women’s right."

Even in cases of sexual assault against men, people dismiss their suffering, saying they should have "enjoyed it." They ignore the fact that these incidents were not consensual but forced. And what about human trafficking? The International Organization for Migration (IOM) recorded 3,909 victims in Indonesia in 2011—10% of them were men. Among child victims, 16% were boys, and 84% were girls. While women undeniably suffer more in these situations, the existence of male victims proves that men, too, can be abused.

Yet, society refuses to acknowledge that men can be hurt. They are praised for surviving wars, but no one considers the pain they endure. Many did not even want to fight in these wars, but society dictated that they must.

If we connect the dots, both women and men have their own struggles in the fight for equality.

But whenever men speak about these struggles, society dismisses them with laughter, as if their concerns are a privilege rather than a burden. People assume that because men have historically dominated, they must be free from suffering. But in reality, accepting this so-called "natural dominance" only leads to more suffering—both for men themselves and for those they are told to control. No one should dominate another. True equality means standing on the same level, side by side.

So, we need another Kartini—but this time, for men. Someone whose voice will be heard whenever he speaks about men’s rights, just as Kartini’s voice was heard when she spoke about women’s rights. Because the real fight should not be for gender superiority—it should be against it.

Imagine how much this could change society’s flawed perception of men and how it could reshape the world.

When the battle against toxic masculinity is won, men will no longer be pressured to dominate. Society will finally recognize the value of all genders and stop glorifying one over the other. And when that happens, women will no longer have to fight against men for their rights—because true gender equality will finally rise. Women will achieve their rights more easily when society first understands men’s rights.

So, who will be the male version of Kartini?

Or perhaps, instead of waiting for him, we should start by awakening that Kartini within ourselves.